A service to celebrate the life of Anthony Thomas Allsop (Tony)
Friday 2nd October 2020 at 1.45pm Charter Chapel, Canley Crematorium
 
Entrance to the chapel and music ‘King of the road’ by Dean Martin
 
A very warm welcome to you all this afternoon as we meet together to say farewell and pay our respects to our beloved Anthony Thomas Allsop, best known, of course, as Tony.  Today we celebrate the wonderful man that Tony was… his time with us … and say thank you. But we also say farewell. This takes strength, but we are all here with a love for Tony that fills this room. We, therefore, celebrate the life that he lead, a life full of happiness and laughter as that is what will be remembered, way beyond the fact of his passing… a great life, very well lived, and full of family, friends, and love.
My name is Amanda Lightowler, I am a celebrant minister, and it is my honour to lead this service for Tony. 
This year, we have all become used to what many people refer to as a ‘new normal’, but there are some situations that can never feel ‘normal’…days such as today. Never before have we had to face having to limit the number of people at a funeral – a time when we are so used to being able to freely attend to mourn and pay our respects – and neither have we had to sit at a distance from each other, usually in times of grief our instinct brings us to move nearer. So these are not normal times, and nor can the passing of a loved one ever feel normal. But what we can do, as we have always done, is be together to remember, in respect, and to support one another. That will never change.  May I ask that we pause for a moment too, to think of Marion, absolutely with us by heart but unable to be here at the chapel with us today.
 
If you have a faith, may it bring you comfort now. If you have a feeling that there is so much more beyond the short time we are each here are on this earth, then may that wrap its arms around you, and if you wish to simply hold on to your many wonderful memories, may they stay close to you today.
 
So let us begin with a beautiful tribute, from Tony’s beloved Grandson, Will….(Poem ‘My Grampie’ read by Will)
 
It is now my honour and privilege to share a tribute to Tony on behalf of his family, after spending some time talking with his lovely daughters, Deb and Tracy, in recent days. The love for Tony just shone through – this sparkling man full of smiles and a twinkle in his eye. Hugely loved, today we can but only touch on the essence of who he was and some of the multitude of moments that made up his long and happy life.
Tony came into the world on the 23rd of February 1930, one of eight children and Coventry born and bred. He became a machinist after he left school and completed his National Service from 1948 to 1952, based up in Lanark in Scotland, serving in the army with the REME corps. He boxed in his time in the army too, though in the featherweight league of course.
1957 was a very special year in his life…it was the year that Tony travelled by sea to Canada, taking a carpet for a family friend Nora, who had moved over there. On arriving at Nora’s house, and knocking on the door, Tony was met with a young Marion, and he greeted her by telling her ‘I’m going to marry you one day! ’….that glint in his eye meaning that he always just got away with it! Now Tony had been engaged some six times before, but he was rather confident and it worked as the two became a couple! Cupid had struck and they married on the 8th of August 1958, in a beautiful candle lit evening church service … so incredibly romantic.
As young married newly-weds, Tony and Marion were very well turned out and had a glamorous look about them back in the day. Life in Canada, partying in Montreal, was just fantastic. With so many friends, pool parties in the garden were often the order of the day for this beautiful, vibrant couple, and they were both great dancers – they just had a ball.
Life took a new direction as they were blessed with the birth of their first child, Deb, in February 1966, and she was joined shortly after by her sister Wendy, adopted into their family at only a couple of months old, the two girls were very close in age. Tony always talked about how tiny Wendy was then, like a little doll with big blue eyes - it was love at first sight. The two girls were dressed the same and their parents were very proud of them. Tony was very proud, too, of his work at that time for Petrofina, an oil company refining crude oil.
Life in Canada was happy, and the glorious weather meant that Tony could indulge his other big passion, his beloved swimming pool, with its diving board and crystal clear waters, always attending to the chlorine mixing so there was perfect water for his perfect pool.
1971 brought the family back to Coventry, to Bigginhall Crescent, and 1972 saw their family complete with the happy arrival of Tracy.  Tony, though not a huge one for DIY, really gutted and rebuilt their house to make their lovely family home.
 Tony’s love of pools had followed them home so they eventually put a swimming pool in their back garden. It was a big thing for them to have a pool there, the only house in the neighbourhood that did…and Tony continued his great passion for the pool, so proud of his chemical compositions. The girls were very popular in the school holidays, the only ones to have a pool, and then they became the only ones to have green hair after one of their dad’s chemical compositions went disastrously wrong...he never would admit it though!
A fantastic social life was then spent around the GEC in the 70’ and 80’s, often socialising in the ballroom there. Most Saturday nights would be spent with Tony and Marion jiving and waltzing there together, and Marion would get up to sing too. Late evenings would see them inviting friends back for late night swims – so much fun – Tony was a really good diver and would display his skills, great to see apart from the night where, a few drinks down, he dove down, hit his head on the side of the pool and his false teeth fell out! Snorkels out, Deb found them on the bottom of the pool – crisis averted though Tony ended up in a neck collar  for his troubles!
On the nights that Marion was working in the ballroom, Tony would take Tracy up there, they would have a table at the side of the bar, hidden from view, and enjoy the big bands and watch the dancers. It was there that Tony taught Tracy to dance; she absolutely loved waltzing around the floor with him, such a special and lovely time, and a time that inspired her love for dance, although he would get impatient if she took a wrong step and ended up stepping on his toes. Dancing was in Tony’s soul too  – he just loved it – and if they played disco music in the ballroom he would be up dancing to it, especially if there was some Shakin’ Stevens!
With each of his girls, Tony had his own special connection. With Tracy it was dancing…with Deb it was reading  - the two of them were both obsessed with books ..crime…thrillers…horror...and could pass much time discussing them all …and Tony was very close to Wendy too, very protective of her and they were both mad on bingo, so they would enjoy that together.
Tony was really proud of his three girls and seeing them develop into strong women, proud of their achievements through life, always supporting them and cheering them on, and, for a man of his generation, he had a really healthy respect for women and was happy to see Deb drinking pints, back in the day when it was not common to see women drinking from a pint glass!
Tony’s pride in his work had continued back in England, working at Standard then for Rolls Royce as a progress chaser. So proud of his job there, a wonderful family open day saw his girls looking around, seeing engines being built, pride shining from their dad as he showed them around. ‘Tiger Tone’ was his nickname at work, especially amongst the ladies there who he was very popular with…that twinkle always there and the ability to be cheeky and just get away with it!
He would come in from work on a Thursday with his pay packet, and Marion would run the home by counting it into different household utilities envelopes…whatever they had though, they always put the girls first ..that thrifty war time approach there, but always making sure the girls were so well looked after.
The ‘best room’ at home had all their trophies on display – from bowling and darts doubles together in Canada, carrying on the darts and dominoes in later days at the GEC.
Earlier years had seen Tony with a huge love of the speedway, mad for motorbikes that were bigger than him, and one he owned was called ‘King of the road’. He would reminisce about speeding along Binley road when it had only fields either side, back in the day, and just loved travelling everywhere, and going off to watch the horse races, on his beloved bike.
And no one can forget Tony’s famous home brew, fermenting for weeks it would be…like rocket fuel, his home brew took down many a good man and floored the girls’ cousin Steve!
Family was always so important and so, with the wedding of Deb and Simon in August 1991, and Tracy and Charlie in October 2008, Tony and Marion gained two much loved sons-in-law into their family.
After retirement, Tony and Marion carried on enjoying life together, and hearts grew bigger with the arrival of grandchildren William, in 2009 and Emily in 2012. Tony and Marion loved their time with their family, going out or round to Deb and Simon’s for dinner, going to stay with Tracy and her family in London. They spent much time together – treasured so much – all loving their family occasions and celebrations together …birthdays, Christmases...whatever the occasion, it was always so important to mark them together at Deb and Simon’s house.
And, though Tony was not a royalist, when he and Marion celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary, he was so delighted that they got a diamond wedding message from the Queen.  Married for 62 years, it had been love at first sight for Tony and they both loved each other dearly. A whole lifetime together, they grew into that fond familiarity where they could communicate in a way that was just for them…’Jesus bloody Christ Marion’ he would exclaim, and Marion would be there in stitches…so familiar, so comfortable.
Tony never really wanted a fuss, he wanted things to be simple, and never wanted money lavished on them, ever the war baby ‘keep your money’ he would say. And he was, in a sense, a little shy, until you got to know him and then he was the life and soul…a right character as he celebrated at a party for his 90th birthday, and he couldn’t believe all the gifts lavished upon him.
 
As Tony’s latter years came, he and Marion always just wanted to be together even through the challenges of illnesses, they had been really contented in their life together and so they would remain. They had lots of support from the family; Simon did a lot for Tony, especially in his later years, they got on really well together.
 Tony would often hark back to the halcyon days of Canada….even a few weeks before he passed, he wanted a KFC, his hankering met, he still remarked that it was nowhere near as good as the KFC in Canada…
And that was Tony, he could speak his mind and always get away with it…even his carers loved him, it was that glint and his wink...He could be strong minded, and was as stubborn as an ox, but the carers loved him, they’d always have a laugh together and would treat him with cakes and McDonalds!
When Wendy so sadly passed in August, a piece of Tony’s heart went with her.
Tony’s own journey drawing to an end, he wished to remain at home, with Marion, and that was how it was. Tony passed away peacefully, surrounded with the love of his family, and the knowledge of this gentle passing provides some comfort.
Tony’s passing leaves a massive hole, but it is filled with love and family and so many memories of such a well-loved man.  These memories will keep being shared, I am sure, over the coming days, weeks and years.
 
Let’s take some time for our own thoughts or prayers as we hear a special song, that was Tony and Marion’s wedding song, as we hold Tony in our hearts… ‘When I fall in love’ by Nat King Cole
 
We will let go of Tony physically today, but our memories of him can always remain a great comfort to us. We can also be comforted in knowing that he had enjoyed his good, long life.  If that can be said, when looking back, then that can be comfort indeed.
And though there are happy memories, grief has visited us. Grief, the sorrow that comes from love. It exists as the price we pay for loving someone when they are no longer here, it is a mark of how much they mattered in our lives. We grieve only because we love - our grief is the bittersweet partner of the love that we feel, not one without the other. In time, grief changes, it goes not go, but we learn to walk with it. But for now, know your sadness as a tribute to the love you feel. And it is love that never ends.
 
And as we prepare to say farewell, to the earthly form, let us sit and listen to
a special and very poignant recording as Charlie, Tony’s son-in-law,  sings and plays for us ( play ‘I’ll be seeing you’)
 
The committal
Ladies and gentlemen, please could I ask you to now stand if you are comfortable to do so….
We have reached the point now where we turn, as we must, to commit that which can no longer stay to its natural end.
 
Tony, with great respect and love, we commend your body to the final part of its journey.
We are so very thankful for the wonderful person that you were, for all the love that you gave, and for all the fabulous memories that you now leave us with.
So now, Into the freedom of the wind and the sunshine
We gently let you go
Into the dance of the stars and the planets
We let you go
Into the hands of the infinite
Go safely, go dancing, forever in the light
To be reunited now with Wendy
 As you move now into eternity, may your beautiful spirit soar so highly and may you know a great peace. And so it will be, until we all meet again.
Please be seated.
 
It remains for me to share a few notices, The family would like to thank you all for attending and warmly invite you to join them for light refreshments, to remember Tony at The Coombe Social Club following this service.
Any donations in Tony’s memory are asked to be made to Cancer Research. These may be made via the much-loved tribute site, detailed on the back of the order of service booklet. As we shortly leave the chapel, outside, there will also be a special song tribute by David.
Today we have held Tony tightly in our hearts. As we reach the end of this service of love and thanks, let us be thankful for the 90 years that this earth was graced with him. He will be remembered with a great deal of love, and always with that little twinkle in his eyes.
 
Exit from the chapel and music ‘My Way’ by Frank Sinatra